the pineapple effect

So I’ve recently learned that SAS has posted my blog on some sort of list of SAS-ers who are writing about their journeys.  Some parents are reading, some friends of my mom are reading, and some random people are reading.  I just want to address this, mainly because I think it’s weird.  I feel strangely because I wrote a lot about the other people on the ship, at times giving names, and I think they might see this and be offended.  Therefore, I want to make it clear that I absolutely love everyone on this ship – I’ve said that numerous times – and I like people to the extent that it surprises me.  I thought only my family, friends, and acquaintances were reading this!  Which brings me to my next point: even though I feel this whole experience is absolutely bizarre, I did put this on the readily available INTERNET, which is much smaller than I think it is sometimes.  Also, shout out to Mom’s friends (and DAD!) for continuing to read.  I hope it reflects your journeys on SAS to some degree and that you don’t think I’m a huge asshole for being blunt about every little thing (or judge me for my love of curse words).

Moral:  Thanks for reading, I guess?

ANYWAY!  Honolulu.  More or less a Hawai’i undeserving of the apostrophe.  That may sound harsh, but let me explain.  It’s not the islanders’ fault by any stretch of the imagination, but god it was depressing.  Perfectly manicured lawns and palm trees instead of wild trees and forests.  Ed Hardy and Chanel stores instead of an open-air food market.  More sunburned tourists with anklet tattoos than laid-back natives hitchhiking to a good surf spot.  I hated that everything that I found beautiful and interesting about Hawaiian history and culture was bastardized by the mass marketing of it.  It was, essentially, the Hawaii I was ready for…but not after Hilo.  In Hilo I felt like a traveler, in Honolulu I felt like a tourist.

However, things picked up.  Who am I to complain about being in HAWAII?  I was just momentarily shocked and disappointed, that’s all.  So anyway, on the first day I took the city bus (which says Aloha when you board it) to Waikiki beach with Bailey, Elle, Tracy, Jenn, and Kellie.  Kellie, Elle, and I rented surfboards and tried our best to master the sport of Sitting, Waiting, and Falling.  Kellie and I had a hard enough time paddling out, whereas Elle got to the breaking point in probably half the time.  That’s a pretty good metaphor for how the next hour was spent.  I got up a few times, but quickly fell over because I either didn’t catch the wave, there was someone in my way, or I just lost balance.  After about 45 minutes, I got up and managed to ride the wave for a split second, then fell off and smashed my foot on some coral.

Ouch.

I didn’t know we were anywhere NEAR coral because I couldn’t see it.  It didn’t hurt THAT much, to be honest, so I kept paddling back for a little while.  Then I looked at my foot and it was bleeding pretty badly, so I decided to ride in (the hour was almost up anyway).  I returned my surfboard and waited for Elle to turn in hers, when I lifted my leg from the sand and there was a pool of blood under my foot.  I went to the lifeguard and got a bandage, then went over to a nearby shower to clean it out.  Elle and I both looked at it for a second, looked at each other, then Elle said “I’ll get the lifeguard.”  It all turned out okay – I have a clean centimeter-deep cut in my foot one inch in length, and I’ve managed to keep it pretty clean (by fishing out bits of sand and coral with a toothpick, mind you).  It just sucks because I couldn’t go hiking on it.

Anyway, after that whole debacle, we ate at Puka Dog (a place recommended by Anthony Bourdain) and I had a hot dog with mango relish and guava sauce.  Amazing.  Then we took a booze cruise thing for only $15 to try and see some marine life.  We didn’t, but I did get to drink two light-on-the-alcohol drinks on a catamaran in Hawaii, as well as jump into the middle of the ocean.  Afterwards, we decided to swim in a nearby hotel’s pool until Kellie and I headed home to use the internet, nap, and shower.

I got to videochat with Dune!!!  It was awesome to see his face and have a real conversation.  It’s going to be really weird not to speak with him for a long time.  And by weird, I mean sad and I wish I could.  Otherwise, Aleeza, Colette, and I booked our trips for Japan and China, and looked up places to stay in India.  So excited.  Then we met up with Jenn, Elle, Tracy, and Bailey and ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise.

Ugh.

Cheeseburger in Paradise was my own personal hell.  If you know me, you know I hate touristy spots, and even if you don’t, I think I’ve made that abundantly clear on this blog.  HOWEVER, I love my friend Bailey, and she’s a parrothead, so we decided to go there anyway.  I paid $9.95 for a decent burger with no sides, and $7 for a very strong cocktail.  It turns out that they charged my credit card for $20 more, so I get to deal with that, but whatever.  The place was awful: guitar lamps with light-up strings, hula skirt-wearing waitresses, TV’s playing “2 and a Half Men” (the world’s worst show).  Just horrible.  I died laughing, I love/hated it so much.

Afterwards we continued the pain in Margaritaville (I took a picture of the blender that “Southpark” made fun of for my mom – it was $350!!!).  Again, I love Bailey, so I agreed.  It was only afterwards that everyone wanted to go to Senor Frog’s that I decided to split from the group.  Sorry, can’t do it.  So Kellie, Aleeza, and I called a few people and finally got a hold of my friend Bridget.  We met up with Bridget and a bunch of other people (literally too many to name) and went to the beach to drink there.  I got a forty and some OJ (in honor of Brandon) and drank it in the dark before the cops could find us.  I’m 21 years old – I refuse to get in trouble for drinking ever again.
After hanging out with like 12 SASers for awhile, some random guy told Will where we could possibly avoid a run-in with the police.  So Zach, Will, Bridget, Allie, Allison, Danny, and I walked to this special spot.  We met a bunch of locals there, who were AMAZING (wannabe yoga instructors and hippies) and shared their wine, etc with us.  They left soon thereafter, but they invited us to meet them at the beach the next day.  Unfortunately we didn’t go, but I just didn’t end up having time.  We’ll get to that later.

We all climbed into a nearby banyan tree and spent the next half hour exploring its branches.  Those trees are so unbelievably beautiful it hurts.  I just love them.  Bridget and I, along with a few others, took a cab home around two.

I woke up pretty early and went to breakfast to try and figure out my plans for the day.  I sat down with Emily, a pleasant little hippie girl who I’ll be working with on my sustainability project, and asked her, point-blank if she wanted to go snorkeling.  We met outside a half hour later.  She brought her friend Noelle, who I hadn’t met yet.  We took the bus to Waikiki, bought snorkels and lunch (mango and Doritos – kind of represents Honolulu), and went to Hanauma Bay.  It took us about 3 hours to get there altogether and was pretty frustrating.  The snorkeling was okay – we had to watch a video about not touching the reef beforehand, which was a waste of time considering literally every stupid person, ie everyone, did as soon as they got down there.  I hate humanity.  Noelle apparently saw a turtle, but Emily and I only managed to see some tropical fish.  Nothing like I have in the past.  It was a bummer. The bus was crowded on the way back from the snorkeling place (we had to take two), and OF COURSE the kid sitting right behind us vomited all over himself and cried for a good five minutes.  This prompted Noelle to gag violently and Emily and I to laugh.  Luckily, we were hungry and hadn’t eaten for a few hours.  That last comment was facetious.


We left around 2:15, but didn’t get home until 5 due to some messed up bus times and general issues.  Got on the ship last night, talked to Dune, and here I am.  Some highlights from my trip with Noelle and Emily include (this list is mainly for me):
-       The anti-meth posters on the bus.  No kidding.  It was a photo of a terrible and decrepit toilet stall with the caption: “No one ever thinks this is where they’ll lose their virginity.  Meth will change that.”  AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Horrifying!  Do not want!!!
-       Noelle’s terrible luck.  In the first week, her computer broke, her roommate moved out, and she had her room searched for no reason.  Emily and I kept joking that she was bad luck.  For instance, I said she would accidentally stab a sea turtle, yet she managed to squish a snail in line, then I joked the bus would close on her and it did.
-       A funny old man on the way down who was just adorable, an old lady and a middle-aged disgusting man kissing on the way back (no really, this guy looked like Dog the Bounty Hunter with reddish hair and even redder eyes.  Plus he smelled like an ashtray), and the burnt-out blonde woman with no teeth who kept telling Noelle that her nose rings were “far out” and that she had “killer shorts, man.”
-       I don’t know, they are awesome.



Tonight my improv club meets.  I’m really excited.  As always, email me if you know me – I love it. Oh, and once I'm done editing these 400-some photos, I'm going to try and upload them. Well, some.